That perfect girl. The one you want to be? She sits two rows ahead of me in class. We’ve taken several classes together over the years and have even joined the same society at college.
Everyone gravitates toward her. She knows her style, knows the right people, knows how to talk on her feet. When I was younger I always envied the cheerleader. Not anymore. It’s the smart, cute, witty girl who attracts the guys like moths to light.
I’ve tried getting to know her. Tried talking to her. But it doesn’t work. Why?
Why is it hard to get to know the people whose minds we appreciate? Why won’t people let us in or accept us, when we have so many things in common?
Firstly, it’s because they already know too many people. They don’t need to get to know you, even if you would be a better friend than all of their acquaintances. The reason they attract all those moths to their light? They’re only interested in acquaintances based on menial feeling. Whereas you value deep, passionate relationships.
Secondly, it’s because they know they don’t need to be openminded and expand their minds through relationships with people different from themselves. Despite their bright minds, they prefer learning life through reading or careful relationships.
Thirdly, it’s because they simply don’t want to bother. They’ve been given life on a platter. Not necessarily a silver platter, but an intellectual platter. Learning is easy for them. They’ve grown up among intellectuals and teachers have always bragged about them being the brilliant kids in class. They can be everything they want to be without experiencing anything outside of their cold intelligence and academically-related study. As for you, they’re not going to bother stretching themselves by making friendships with people they don’t understand. Face it. If you’re introspective enough to desire developing relationships with people you barely know, you’re probably not the easiest person to understand or like.
I ran across this beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda yesterday. Although it was most likely targeted towards a romantic interest, its message applies to all human relationships. Let this be my motto and your motto in all of our relationships. Never to hold on to what does not exist, never to wish for something that cannot exist. Embrace reality. It is God’s gift to us.
“I want you to know
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
if each day,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.”