No-Worries Networking

I definitely thought I wouldn’t bother blogging anymore, but I came across this great article on

Definitely check it out. It gives 16 great conversation starters that are easy to remember and naturally draw whomever you’re networking with into the conversation. While I admittedly hate networking (because it feels like hypocrisy, even if it’s just typical business practice), if you want to get anywhere on the corporate ladder you need to network.

The above article also includes a great 2 minute video discussing “The Right Way to Think About Networking.” It’s nice to hear someone else’s honest opinion of networking, and it’s a great step to wearing away at that foolish part of your conscience (if your conscience, like mine, is obsessed with authenticity) that wants to assume sucking up to people is wrong. Because, in some contexts, it isn’t.

As I’ve stated in a previous post, networking is an assumed practice in whatever field you work in, so it’s completely appropriate to suck up to peers and superiors within your field.


Communications: In Closing

This blog has been a great way to share my interests in communication and especially the Myers-Briggs spectrum with you. I hope to continue to share further posts encouraging you to further delve into the world of the human mind and expand your understanding and appreciation for those around you.

I’ve especially enjoyed sharing my series, “10 Ways to Show a ____ You Love Them.” Stay posted for future updates as I continue to expand my understanding of communication and share that with you!

How to Bring MBTI Into Conversations

Have you been caught by the Myers-Briggs bug yet? Symptoms for this bug include: the need to analyze everyone around you to ascertain their specific type, the need to understand how that relates to your personality type and the need to ask people if they know their MBTI type so you can ascertain your ideas (and if they don’t know it, asking them questions that will help you ascertain for yourself).

So, have you caught it? If you haven’t, that’s all right. No one will fault you for having a less-addictive predisposition.

But if you are like me or anyone I know who knows their MBTI type, you are hooked. Being addicted to MBTI can be a very useful thing. It helps you separate yourself from your emotional reality and analyze your situation so you don’t make any unnecessary assumptions. You just need to manage your addiction carefully, however.

I made the mistake recently of discussing MBTI in a group conversation. No one knew what I was talking about and it took a while to get everyone focused on something besides my awkward mistake. Why was it awkward? Because MBTI is too complicated to be explained and most people don’t want to listen to an in-depth explanation of a psychological spectrum.

So what should you do if you really think a certain conversation would benefit from discussing MBTI? First, ask those around you if any of them are familiar with MBTI. If not, try to analyze their reactions to see whether or not you should discuss the basic concepts of MBTI that are relevant to your current situation. If they don’t appear interested in MBTI or analyzing your current situation, don’t say anything. It’s better to say nothing than to waste time discussing information no one else will be able to appreciate. You also don’t want to come across as a bore, which is the way you’ll most likely be viewed by disinterested persons.

Maturing Through MBTI

Once you know your personality type, you should get to know it better so that you can understand exactly which areas in your life you need to develop. I’m going to share some great links that discuss the maturation process in various personality types. Some steps towards maturity that I’ve noticed as an ENFJ are . . .

  1. Mature ENFJs filter their “smothering” tendencies by sharing their excess affection with pets, who enjoy personal attention.
  2. Mature ENFJs ask themselves questions when they realize assumptions they’ve made about social interaction, such as: Is that person responding this way because of a personal problem that I don’t know about? What ways could this person be hurting right now? Why would this person behave in this manner?
  3. Mature ENFJs learn to step back after they’ve had a lot of social interaction so that they can reflect and not allow the good vibes to get to their heads.

Personality Hacker: Secrets Behind Personality Types

I’ve recently been searching Youtube for good videos on MBTI. A lot of videos are poorly constructed, but the VTs are great and not too long (yet thorough). Today I ran into the channel Personality Hacker. Personality Hacker shares some interesting incites into yours or other personality types. Check out the link below!


10 Ways to Make an ISTP Love You

  1. Be accepting. ISTPs live in the moment and don’t want to commit to anything past the forseeable future.
  2. Be understanding. ISTPs need a lot of personal space to function well. Don’t crowd their style!
  3. Be multifaceted. ISTPs like to experience a wide variety of things, so be open to exciting experiences!
  4. Be consistent. ISTPs will be committed to relationships if they see that they are consistent, strong and healthy.
  5. Be communicative. ISTPs are often accidentally insensitive and you need to communicate to them when they are offending/hurting your feelings.
  6. Be involved. ISTPs often shrink into their shells. Encourage them to share themselves.
  7. Be optimistic. While it’s always best to be genuine, ISTPs prefer being optimistic and surrounding themselves with upbeat individuals.
  8. Be respectful. ISTPs tend to respect others’ space and privacy, so be considerate and return the favor!
  9. Be encouraging. ISTPs don’t usually express their emotions, but when they are experiencing something emotionally involved, encourage them to try to describe what’s going on internally.
  10. Be rational. ISTPs sometimes mess up relationships only so they can right them (they’re that obsessed with experiences). So when your ISTP does something irrational and practically senseless, ask them to explain their actions. Don’t just assume your emotions upon them.

ENFJ/INFP Interaction

“When an ENFJ’s happy, everybody’s happy. When an ENFJ’s unhappy, nobody notices.”

My mom recently told me that I confused her because I was always a happy little girl. My mom thought something must have deeply disturbed my life in high school because I was depressed during my sophomore and junior years. Well, for those of you who are Feelers, you’ll understand that Sensors are not often aware of how deeply Feelers feel and how they express their emotions.

This linked video describing ENFJ/INFP relationships really fascinated me. Most relationships of this type are with the guy being the ENFJ, the girl being the INFP. This video shows the opposite relationship, and for those of you with either of  these personality types, it may open your eyes a little to your own mind’s complexity. So check it out!

Long-Term Relationship: Worth the Effort?

Throughout my childhood I had numerous pen pals. Whenever they responded to me I’d send back a well-written, lengthy note in the mail, sometimes with a hand-crocheted scrunchy. Looking back, I was a thoughtful pen pal and really wanted these relationships to work.

Of course, none of them did. I was writing to children! And most people don’t invest themselves into relationships to the extent that NFJs do. As a child, I expected that if I did my part I could make the entire relationship float. I didn’t realize then that the other person needs to produce an equal effort to make the relationship work.

It hurts being an ENFJ. I’ve lived long enough to see that most relationships, even ones with academics and intellectuals, are superficial. If the person decides they don’t want to invest their part in the relationship they’ll ghost you entirely. I realize that other Meyers-Briggs personality types are also treated this thoughtlessly, but I’ve grown hyper-aware of this reality because of my personality type.

I have maintained a close relationship with a female intellectual a few years older than me for the past four years. And my friend just graduated and left. While we communicated frequently on Facebook when she knew she would run into me, as soon as she no longer had that risk or the need to maintain relationships with people who provided her with self-validation and companionship, she dropped me. That shook me.

I thought that if I made friendships with people who valued their internal person rather than external (my fault as a child–I made friends with girls because they were pretty and I loved Barbie) they would similarly value others’ internal persons. Just because someone is a great conversationalist, intelligent, and has met you equally in your previous efforts doesn’t mean he or she won’t turn on you at some point.

I don’t want to depress you. But I think honesty about relationships is important. To those of you out there who are planning to ghost someone, please don’t. If you never have to see that person again but have had a deep relationship with him or her, you should recognize that you have found something wonderful. Why throw something wonderful away just because you don’t want to put forth the effort? Don’t throw away what’s good. You wouldn’t throw away a valuable possession just because it requires a little effort once a week!

Hold onto the few beautiful things, the few beautiful people that last. That love you no matter what. They’re the ones who will support you when you’re in a difficult time. They’re the ones who will go out of their way for you when you need help.

And if you just don’t want to put forth the effort on your side, remember that by preserving the relationship you are giving that person a gift. The gift of you. As the saying goes, “it’s more blessed to give than to receive.”

P.S. If that friend’s an NFJ that you’re planning to ghost, he or she will probably interpret your nonverbal action. By refusing to invest a little time in your friend’s life, you’re indicating that the person is worthless. Because apparently you can’t sacrifice five minutes of your time once in a while to respond to his or her FB message.

If Suddenly You Forget Me

That perfect girl. The one you want to be? She sits two rows ahead of me in class. We’ve taken several classes together over the years and have even joined the same society at college.

Everyone gravitates toward her. She knows her style, knows the right people, knows how to talk on her feet. When I was younger I always envied the cheerleader. Not anymore. It’s the smart, cute, witty girl who attracts the guys like moths to light.

I’ve tried getting to know her. Tried talking to her. But it doesn’t work. Why?
Why is it hard to get to know the people whose minds we appreciate? Why won’t people let us in or accept us, when we have so many things in common?

Firstly, it’s because they already know too many people. They don’t need to get to know you, even if you would be a better friend than all of their acquaintances. The reason they attract all those moths to their light? They’re only interested in acquaintances based on menial feeling. Whereas you value deep, passionate relationships.

Secondly, it’s because they know they don’t need to be openminded and expand their minds through relationships with people different from themselves. Despite their bright minds, they prefer learning life through reading or careful relationships.

Thirdly, it’s because they simply don’t want to bother. They’ve been given life on a platter. Not necessarily a silver platter, but an intellectual platter. Learning is easy for them. They’ve grown up among intellectuals and teachers have always bragged about them being the brilliant kids in class. They can be everything they want to be without experiencing anything outside of their cold intelligence and academically-related study. As for you, they’re not going to bother stretching themselves by making friendships with people they don’t understand. Face it. If you’re introspective enough to desire developing relationships with people you barely know, you’re probably not the easiest person to understand or like.

I ran across this beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda yesterday. Although it was most likely targeted towards a romantic interest, its message applies to all human relationships. Let this be my motto and your motto in all of our relationships. Never to hold on to what does not exist, never to wish for something that cannot exist. Embrace reality. It is God’s gift to us.

“I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.”

Jealousy & Myers Briggs

When I first entered college I became close friends with two freshmen girls who both knew each other from home. So when their best friend from home decided to transfer to my university, I was excited. I was excited for them, because they missed her a lot. And I was excited for myself, because I thought I’d get a new friend.

As soon as she arrived on campus sophomore year I tried to get to know her. After all, if she was going to constantly be with my friends, I’d have to like her! Unfortunately for both of us, that didn’t turn out. In fact, after my two good friends had to drop out of school, I never even spoke to their friend when we passed on the side walk.

Imagine my surprise when we were assigned as roommates for senior year! I was freaking out, not only because I knew we didn’t get along, but also because I knew our Myers Briggs personality types conflicted. I was certain she was an ENFP. I never get along with Ps, and have especial difficulty with ENFPs. So, one week into being roommates, I asked her if she knew her Myers Briggs type. And of course I had judged incorrectly. She was (assuming she took the test correctly) an ENFJ like me! While this explains why our 2 mutual friends were attracted to both of us, it drove me insane. I didn’t want her to be my type (again, assuming she took the test correctly–I’m still in denial about this fact)!

Maybe this proves the adage that people sometimes feel most conflicted when around people most like themselves. Look at Josh Duggar, who worked for and supported the mission of the Family Research Council! He knew what was wrong with himself, and so he lived his life denouncing it in others.

Look at the Jewish Pharisees who committed sins in secret, but proudly murdered others who couldn’t hide their secret sins successfully. Thankfully Jesus forgave Mary Magdelene for her sins. I’m so thankful He doesn’t hold me accountable for my secret sins (jealousy for the friendship that couldn’t work out, selfishness for wanting the friends to myself and to protect my ideal of the ENFJ). I’m so glad that He lovingly is able to accept me, no matter my personality type.